The Body Beautiful (lanerd) wrote,
The Body Beautiful

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and the day dawned gray and misty, someone is weeping somewhere for something

My official profession nowadays is job hopper, but with more of a sense of responsibility because I don't leave one without another for a backup, oh no, UT rejected me, pretty sure because my GRE scores tanked ass, but it all works out for the best; I really wasn't looking forward to being on the UT campus for seven effin years and I'm not all that thrilled about UT to begin with, if I had wanted to go there to begin with I would have gotten my BA from there instead of like going out of state to begin with, and on the other hand, I am really not that thrilled about teaching, I can only take so many vacant stares on a daily basis, I think teaching would be enough to create a drinking problem worthy of Faulker and this gives me time to figure out what it is that I really want to do since I'm not so sure right about now and don't really need the input from other people who want me to do solely this or that, hate to break it to ya buddy but my folks have been telling me what they want me to do (well maybe not flat out tell but strongly hint) for years and now it's time for K! to figure that out for herself, in between gym trips and rubbing shea butter onto my bush for silky smooth pubes try it today!

Need to stop worrying about other people's business as it is only a source of gossip for me rather than genuine concern (with the exception of a tiddling few whom I do actually give a shit about) and yeah I said it, but such morbid curiosities is what makes the world go round, you wouldn't really start a conversation with someone on a bus unless they're hot or a complete freak, right - laws of attractions work like magnets of the same pole.

It is a very gray solstice, Chris and I are going to dye "Easter" eggs when he gets home, but not because it's Easter since neither one of us really believe in the whole Christ is our Savior thing, and I don't feel as odd about that as I did a while ago, it's easier not to care about these things as I go on sloughing off most human interaction to keep living in my head and wondering, "Where am I going, what am I doing," and most basically, everything just moves regardless, I'm not happy with just surviving, but the more noble you want your life to be the harder it is to live it, and rather than the path rising up to meet your feet accordingly it shifts and turns and bucks off, and I realize that on the outside I have what a lot of people desire (namely a randomly brief modeling career, woof) but I need just a little more, although I have to admit since I've been working out more my waist clenches in a way that I'm like, that's more like it, and stuff and junk and going on about just living and working to myself, hopefully it will lead to some sort of something that is ultimately free from the concern of others, the only thing that I've realized that I want to do academically and career-wise is just not deal with people anymore, the ideal of being a hermit author is suddenly more appealing, but it's not that either, it's having the ability to pick and choose when I want to deal with people and when I don't that I desire most in a career. Mmmm.

My hair is two inches away from my waist, it is epic in its own way with copper red tips and a fullness that is its own mane, it is a small miracle of the world how it grows and maintains itself with small input from me and changes the face and figure so drastically without asking for much in return, I am content with just letting it grow and not thinking too much else of it, it's an allegory for most other things in my life, it flourishes without my really paying attention to it, a mind of its own and indecipherable to me.
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